I spent a good portion of my Christmas trying to guess what the little green plastic thing could be that my daughter spit up during the general chaos of Christmas morning.

In the end, I discovered it was none other than a small, high-heeled shoe belonging to one Polly Pocket.

This thing was ridiculous. It was the smallest piece of a toy I've seen in my life, and with a child that is still in the put-everything-in-her-mouth stage, it was terrifying.

She had picked up the pint-size accessory from one of her cousins, who didn't realize my daughter, Nicole, believes her sole purpose in life is to scour the carpet for anything that looks yummy.

After spending a day with her cousins, I'd wager Nicole has at least three pairs of casual shoes in her stomach, a clutch purse and maybe a swimsuit or two.

The incident made me reflect on all the toys that make me want to slap a toymaker, or perhaps just make them eat a couple open-toed stilettos. I saw so many toys this year I would never want my daughter to have — some because they are dangerous and some because they are just plain absurd.

Take, for example, the Baby Alive Learns to Potty doll. This adorable little doll says such delightful things as, "Sniff, sniff, I made a stinky."

All fun and games, you say? No, no. This doll means business. After you feed her the "green beans" and "bananas," the pasty concoctions come out the other end.

And just for an element of surprise and extra fun, the manufacturer warns, "Be careful, just like real life, sometimes she can hold it until she gets to the potty and sometimes she can't."

Another warning label reads, "May stain some surfaces."

Seriously? Why? Why would you buy this?

As a mother, why would you voluntarily introduce something else into the house whose only claim to fame is that it can eat and poop?

And with a portion of my paycheck already direct-deposited to Pampers, I can't imagine spending a dime on doll diapers.

But a few "poop" stains are nothing compared to some of the worst offenders out there — the toys with attitude.

The line of sassy Bratz dolls clearly leads this genre of dolls gone bad. You know, these are the heavily eye-shadowed, skimpily dressed dolls that tell your daughter it's OK to wear a cheetah miniskirt as long as you pair it with the right shade of lip-liner.

These are the dolls that make Malibu Barbie look Amish and have undoubtedly lured countless Ken dolls from happy homes.

These are the dolls that make me feel like I need a shower after looking at them.

Sadly, the oversexed toy phenomenon has spread to animals now. I wish I were kidding.