Relapses teach addicts 'where the edge of the cliff is'

Each morning, Tara Vermillion's prayer is the same: "God, keep me sober today."

Some days are easy for the 34-year-old recovering drug addict and some days are not. Like last week, when Vermillion's grandmother went to the hospital for a broken hip.

A few months ago, Vermillion would have rushed to pills to dull the emotional pain.

Now, she turns to her roommates in the Papilion House, a nonprofit sober living house for women, and

dissects her feelings and lists her blessings. That, and God, help keep her sober.

"I was homeless, living in a motel. Do I want to go back to that life?" she asks. "No way."

The Papilion House in American Fork is just one path to recovery, and it's the path Vermillion is confident is taking her in the right direction.

Other addicts find healing from addictions through inpatient treatment, intensive outpatient treatment, day reporting centers, court-ordered programs or a combination of all of them.

"There isn't one (treatment plan) that's the best," said Casey Hill, executive director of Utah Support Advocates for Recovery Awareness. "There is one that's right for every person. Our whole purpose is to give them the access to the system in whatever way they need."

And many, like Vermillion, need the ability to come back to their paths after relapses.

"You can't think you have this beat," she said. "You don't. That was my problem. Before, I thought, 'I'm cured.' You're not cured. Relapse will be there all my life."

Life at Papilion House

In the Latin spelling, the word papilion means butterfly — an appropriate name for the home where broken women heal and emerge stronger, more beautiful.

The Papilion House is the creation of Angela Waghorne, a recovering addict who has devoted her life to spreading the message of recovery.

"Integrating into the sober community is imperative," Waghorne said. "The more you realize and appreciate the sober fellowships, the more likely you are to stick around."

She wants her women to do more than just stick around. She wants them to succeed, to learn they are stronger than the drugs. In two years she has helped 27 women.

Each week, Vermillion and her five roommates juggle school, work, Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meetings, service hours, chores and house meetings.

There are also movie nights, camping and river-rafting trips in the summer, visits from children and significant others and group meals.

Having fun is required in the home, Waghorne says. Sober fun. It's a new concept.

The women learn how to discuss their emotions and how to deal with triggers that bring on drug cravings.

"We want each other to succeed in life," Vermillion said. "Sober living is the best thing I've ever done."

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