Politicians offer a few resolutions for coming year

State Democratic chairman Wayne Holland: "My resolution is to find ways to help mothers and fathers who lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, keep their health insurance coverage, protect their retirement and find a way to help their children get into college."

Salt Lake City Council member Soren Simonsen: Personal: "Find a way to bring a healthy diet and beneficial exercise back into my regimen; perhaps a 2009 door-to-door campaign will help with the exercise part." Political: "Finish the Dale Carnegie book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' that I started back in high school; seems like I'm still coming up short when the council votes on Sugar House.

State Rep. Lorie Fowlke: Personal: "Fit into my new red suit (same one for last three years)." Political: "Help promote reasonably priced energy development and avoid negative press."

Congressman-elect Jason Chaffetz: Personal: "Finish downloading my Orrin Hatch CDs to my IPod." Political: "Witness Frank Pignanelli sing the BYU fight song, which will bring peace on earth."

State Sen. Pat Jones: Personal: "Focus on what is truly important." Political: "Protect kids, seniors and the vulnerable from budget cuts to the greatest extent possible."

State Republican vice chairman Todd Weiler: "My resolution is to try to not throw up in my mouth while witnessing all of the Obama-mania at the inauguration."

Salt Lake County Council member Joe Hatch: "My resolution is to keep my blood pressure in check by not reading Pignanelli & Webb's Sunday column in the Deseret News!"

Pignanelli: Personal: "I will strive to not scream and swear at my children … as much as possible (cannot eliminate entirely, it is my best and only parenting skill)." Political: "With the utmost patience and benevolence available, to be more charitable to LaVarr and his ilk, for their way of thinking is a disease (no one would rationally choose it)."

Webb: Political: "Decline invitation to be keynote speaker at the state Democratic convention this year." Personal: "Tutor Frank regarding his grammar and analytical skills so his part of the column makes better sense to improve our chances to win a Pulitzer Prize."

Some politicians didn't respond to our invitation, so we had to discern their resolutions by channeling their thoughts (Pignanelli easily channeled Blagojevich).

Barack Obama: Political: "To remember the world is just another community for me to organize … only bigger." Personal: "After revitalizing the economy, restoring worldwide U.S. prominence, providing health care for all, achieving energy independence, eliminating poverty, forging peace in the Middle East, bringing home all U.S. soldiers, balancing the budget, eliminating carbon, creating education excellence, and securing Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare — by February — my resolution is to remain humble."

George Bush: "Become a columnist for the Huffington Post and appear weekly on 'Saturday Night Live' to parody myself."

Rod Blagojevich: Personal I: "Use my unique entrepreneurial talents to sell my upcoming prison seat to someone who wants to write a novel about celebrity life in the slammer." Personal II: "Get a haircut."

Republican LaVarr Webb is a political consultant and lobbyist. E-mail: lwebb@exoro.com. Democrat Frank Pignanelli is Salt Lake attorney, lobbyist and political adviser. E-mail: frankp@xmission.com.