There's a game happening in town this weekend. Have you heard?
Think Brigham Young University and the University of Utah. (See also "Shootout at the O.K. Corral," "Clash of the Titans," "Apocalypse Now" and "The End of the World as We Know it if My Team Doesn't Win.")
Here's the problem. My sons keep betting batches of homemade cookies on the game's outcome with a certain University of Utah-loving teacher at their high school. This means the LOSER gets to watch the winner eat cookies, while the WINNER gets to watch the loser eat crow.
These bets have been going on for well over a decade now ever since our oldest son was this teacher's student.
And in all those years, she has never EVER had to bake a batch of cookies for one of my kids. I, on the other hand, have baked plenty of cookies for her.
ME: Why am I baking cookies to cover a bet I DIDN'T MAKE AGAIN?
MY SONS: Um. Because you're an enabler?
Yes! That's me! Enabling adolescent male children whenever I get the chance!
OK, back to the BYU vs. Utah thing. It's not that BYU hasn't won a game or two over the years. In fact, if I remember correctly, BYU beat Utah 17-10 last year (thanks, Harvey Unga!). And the year before that, BYU beat Utah 33-31 (thanks, Jonny Harline!).
Except here's the deal.
This teacher only bets on games that UTAH ACTUALLY WINS. It's like she has a special teacher crystal ball in her office that helps her figure out who's going to win the BYU/ UTAH game, as well as what Emily Dickinson really meant when she said, "There is no frigate like a book!" (WHAT?!)
Knowing this, I told my son he was NOT allowed to bet on BYU/ UTAH games with a "certain teacher." So, imagine my surprise (!) when this same child came home from school the other day and said he and a "certain teacher" have a batch of cookies riding on the game this weekend.
Here's the worst part he isn't even taking a class from her. Which means he HAD TO GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO HUNT THIS TEACHER DOWN. And when he found her, she said, OK, you're on. Which means (given this teacher's scary track record) that my team could lose this weekend. ...
Kids! They're just all, "Hey feel free to fix my lunch, Mom, and give me a ride whenever I need one, Mom, but when it comes to betting on football games with University of Utah-loving teachers, I'll do what I please. Thanks for the advice, though!"
"Why did you bet on the game?" I asked my boy sadly.
"Because it's a family tradition," he said.
"Forget what you've heard about the importance of family traditions," I said. "Family traditions are way overrated."
"Speaking of which, she wants cookies with red frosting this time," he said.
"But don't worry. I think we're gonna win."I hope he's right because you know what? I'm pretty allergic to red frosting.
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