According to John Gottman in his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," a repair attempt is "a secret weapon that prevents quarrels from getting out of hand. This name refers to any statement or action — silly or otherwise —that prevents negativity from escalating out of control."

For example, when things escalate, you take a deep breath, and say something like, "You know, I love you son, and this conversation isn't going in a helpful direction. I really want to hear what you're saying, so I'll speak softer." It's also adding a little light-hearted humor, "So, in a nutshell, you're possibly saying I'm annoying?"

My husband and I use these humorous repair attempts just about every day. We've learned to use key phrases from funny movies, personal experiences, or just a funny response that acts as a catalyst for calming things down. Once my sweet husband was going into his what we call seventh-grade phase, where he needs to bug and tease me to tell me that he's happy to be with me. After several attempts to get the message across that this was not enjoyable in the least, I finally looked him square in the eye and with great heated tension behind the words said, "You're ANNOYING." He paused and then said, "Yeah, but I'm so good at it."

Tension broken. And this works with children. One day my eldest son had been driving me crazy with his unfinished papers, chores, Scouts, etc. I turned and heatedly read him the riot act on why couldn't he clean up the kitchen completely. He said, "But it's not my turn, Mom."

I paused and said, "Oh. My bad." We both burst out laughing. Try using a bit of validation or a repair attempt and see if a spoonful of sugar helps the communication medicine go down a little smoother.

LIFETip: Choose a validation phrase or possible repair attempt to keep handy for tough conversations.

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