Can't beat a 3,000% return on investments

Are you bewitched? Bothered? Behind the 8-ball?

Do you need a pick-me-up?

Let me share something with you.

I used to tell people that writing a newspaper column was like putting a note in a bottle and tossing it into the sea — you didn't know who would see it or when.

But I've decided that's not quite true.

Writing a religious column for the Deseret News is closer to Ecclesiastes 11:1: "Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days."

Actually, it's better than that.

When I toss a slice of bread out there, I always get a loaf in return. Lately I've been getting a return of about 3,000 percent.

Sunny words from a Pollyanna?

Maybe.

But that doesn't make them untrue.

Here are a couple of examples.

A few weeks ago, to make a point about giving, I wrote how my wife had given away a package of my favorite licorice.

Bingo.

In the time it takes to butter a slice of bread, Judy Bassett wrote to say her friend Pekka Santonen, a radio journalist in Finland, would be sending me some licorice to replace it. I got a box filled with 30 packages of Finnish licorice — some of it so stout it could double as shoe polish. One brand — Salmiak — is strong enough to cure stomach cancer.

Thank you, Judy.

Then a couple of weeks ago I wrote about the two Baha'is I met in Bolivia back in 1969. I got a dozen warm and friendly e-mails. But the Baha'i faith went further. They rolled out to find those guys. They bounced messages all around the world and finally tracked them down.

I mention two friends in this column and — presto — I get 60 friends in return. That's a 3,000 percent return.

The readers of this newspaper (and now the Web site) are a different breed. I've been at this game for 30 years and I'm still surprised at their generosity (if you've slogged through this column to this point, I'm talking about you). Even the e-mails that disagree with me tend to be respectful and thoughtful. Some people wish I'd leap off a cliff — but they always tell me so in a polite and courteous way.

Where most newspapers in America are shedding readers like autumn leaves, we're sprouting new ones left and right.

That says something about you.

You like to read.

I like to write.

A marriage made in heaven.

And our growing readership is a nice trend for those of us who enjoy getting a 3,000 percent return on investments.

You have to be careful what you say in columns like this.

Just last week, for instance, I felt a bit nostalgic and was going to write a graph or two about how I miss my old Volkswagen Beetle from the 1960s.

But I thought better of it.

There's just no room in front of our house to park 30 Volkswagen Beetles.

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E-mail: jerjohn@desnews.com