Ready to wed

When Nathan and Crystal Painter were planning to marry nine years ago, they thought they were prepared.

The couple had been engaged for nearly a year. They had talked a lot about future plans.

But after spending a weekend at a Catholic Engaged Encounter, Crystal Painter said she realized they had never really "dug into the deep topics," such as family planning and how to effectively deal with differences. She believes their pre-marriage preparation has made a significant difference in their relationship.

"For couples who really want a successful marriage, we highly recommend such a weekend," said Painter, who now coordinates local Engaged Encounters with her husband.

There is a multitude of research to support her assertion. One example comes from a 2003 study co-authored by Jason Carroll from Brigham Young University, which showed couples who complete a premarital education program have a "30 percent increase in measures of marital success" such as communication and relationship satisfaction.

While some states, such as Oklahoma and Florida, have passed laws that strongly incentivize couples who receive marital education, for the most part, various faith groups still lead the way in preparing couples for marriage. In Utah, many groups are requiring training beyond just faith-centric topics, also teaching couples how to resolve conflict, communicate better and love their differences.

It's something the Painters believe can slow the nation's divorce rate of about 40 percent to 45 percent from creeping upward.

For the Rev. Steve Goodier of Salt Lake City's Christ United Methodist Church, premarital training is something he has strongly urged during his ministry. When meeting with couples, he will talk about things such as faith and the sanctity of the marriage commitment, but he also discusses issues such as marital expectations, communication, money, sex and the background of each partner.

"Most couples I talk with really aren't good communicators," he said. "They're good at communicating where to go out to dinner, but not the heartfelt things — it's hard to say those things to each other."

Earlier this week, the Rev. Goodier met with Tom and Marcie Conner of Cottonwood Heights to discuss the couple's plans to renew their vows today. The Conners celebrated 10 years of marriage on Friday and said, while they didn't receive any preparation prior to marriage, they have learned that communication and commitment are key to sticking together.

Commitment, according to the Rev. Goodier, is the number one reason you hear from couples with a strong relationship about why they've stayed together.