From Deseret News archives:
Money talks: Honesty over finances improves marriage relationship
Too bad. Let's get personal.
How are your finances? Not so good? Excellent? So-so?
Let's go a step further.
How is your relationship with your spouse in regard to cash? Can you manage to talk about money without getting upset?
While research varies as to whether money is a top reason for divorce or merely used to mask underlying communication issues, it's something therapists say is a clear-cut relationship stressor. And when the economy goes sour and budgets shrink, couples can struggle to maintain unity.
So what to do?
Communicate. Set goals. Live in a way to meet your goals.
That's what therapists, educators and happily married couples say to do.
"Unless we are very lucky, we will not marry our financial soul mate," said Ann House, an assistant professor with Utah State University Extension Services. "My advice is certainly that couples need to talk about money."
To get the conversation started, House advises couples to first talk about their money histories. For example, how did your parents manage money? Were they thrifty, or did they spend a lot? Who paid for all the bills?
Another good question would be to ask your spouse or significant other what he or she would do if he or she suddenly received $10,000, according to House.
"You'll find out some interesting things and possibly some things you fought about for years," House said.
She believes talking about money histories can bring insight into why you or your spouse spends in a certain way. Perhaps you're a compulsive saver because you grew up with no money. Or you spend to compensate for a childhood with few material possessions.
When Mark and Gertrude Tripp of Wendover got married nearly 62 years ago, they didn't have many deep conversations about money. Instead, they were forced to compromise out of necessity. The couple raised most of their children in a 20-by-20 one-room bunkhouse and made a living doing farm and ranch work.
Gertrude Tripp said she learned to "take a lot" and live without things she was used to because she was committed to her marriage and family. Her husband's money went to pay the bills, and whatever she earned went toward household expenses.
"More or less, he worked on the farm, and I gave up my kind of life from Logan to life on a farm with no electricity," Tripp said. "You have to work together. You can't work for me. I work for me, he works for himself — that doesn't work."
