Anachronistic game still haunts students' gym classes

My daughter Charlotte recently informed me that gym teachers still make kids play dodgeball.

It's a game that evokes memories of maniacal man-boys hurling leather missiles at my head. I wore a glasses guard in those days though, so heaven knows, I was asking for it.

Today's version, "German" dodgeball, sounds even more sinister. It raises the question: What could be possibly worse than plain old dodgeball?

Charlotte's 14-year-old male friend, towering above us both at 6-foot-3 and 167 pounds, dismissed my daughter's complaints. "I like it."

I lay my general mistrust of physical education at the feet of JFK. In the early 1960s, public schools began to administer "President Kennedy's physical fitness tests," and as far as I was concerned, gym teachers never smiled again.

Twice a year, every child's individual output of sit-ups, push-ups and the odious squat thrust was scrupulously recorded. There were coordination tests and rope climbing.

Apparently, the President's Council on Physical Fitness reasoned that boot-camp training was an excellent standard by which to assess the fitness of 8-year-olds.

Bike riding, tree climbing or dancing to the overture of "Gypsy" were not included. Lying on the gym floor in my standard issue gymsuit while a partner held my ankles, I managed maybe two straight-legged sit-ups.

Wiry and indefatigable Benny LaGuardia scurried up the ropes like Curious George, and I hung at the bottom looking like a church bell without its clapper. We were weighed and measured in front of each other. Miss Mullen pronounced me fat.

All that scrutiny by marine wannabes made me a furtive, closet exerciser. Participate in a group sport or game? Miniature golf still gives me the willies.

I developed an exercise habit only when I discovered exercise audio- and videotapes. In private, I learned aerobics, yoga, circuit-training and how to use free weights. When walking became "real" exercise, I forced myself to go public only because I could pretend to be late for an appointment.

Nature or nurture, who knows, but my own children have not been fond of their gym classes. My daughter, who eagerly looked forward to gymnastics, ballet, swim team and skiing outside elementary school, consistently received the comment from gym teachers: "Needs to put more effort into this class."