And because of horrendous dialogue and Park's inability to act, Grace comes off as completely phony. Which is unfortunate because, as with "7th Heaven," there's real potential with the characters of Grace and her parents (John Schneider of "Smallville" and Josie Bissett of "Melrose Place").

Grace also has an older brother with Down syndrome, but — at least in the first hour — he almost seems like a token of some sort. And then there's the Asian-American character who borders on being an offensive racial stereotype. She's full of numbers, facts and figures about sexual behavior that — in Hampton fashion — make the show seem like a term paper at times.

It's one of many clumsy bits of plotting and character development that prevent the show from ever seeming real.

(Heck, there's one scene in which the cheerleaders hail the "Lakers" — a group of boys wearing letter jackets emblazoned "Lancers.")

Hampton, as usual, seems to be trying to say something in "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." But what she's trying to say is hard to figure.

And there's a huge element of irresponsibility that's just stunning. We're assured that there will be public service announcements after each episode aimed at preventing teen pregnancy — but there's not one mention in the first hour of sexually transmitted diseases.

That's unforgivable.

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E-mail: pierce@desnews.com