How politicians might spend the summer

Memorial Day weekend is the start of traditional summertime — and the living is supposed to be easy. But for Utah's politicians, especially those seeking election, it will be a hot summer of grind-it-out campaign work. So while you're vacationing at Lake Powell, having picnics in the mountains, going on a cruise or hitting Disneyland, pause for a moment to pity those sorry politicians back home slogging through a summer of politics.

Here's how we've concluded some Utah politicos will be spending their time:

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.: "I'll be doing some traveling, but not on vacation. My mission is to elect John McCain, while constantly refuting cynical suggestions that Cabinet ambitions are behind my involvement. Thus, I will be busy. Oh, yeah, and I have to win re-election myself."

Democratic nominee for governor Robert Springmeyer: "I will be collecting the e-mail addresses of every Utahn to send them my weekly electronic newsletter. He who has the best e-mail list wins. If enough voters will read my wise thoughts, then maybe, just maybe. ..."

Lt. Gov. Gary Herbert: "This will be a painful summer — from biting my lip so I don't say anything I will regret about the party dinosaurs staying in office too long. Anyone know a good oral surgeon?"

U.S. Sen. Bob Bennett: "Yeah, I'm spending the summer stomping out political wildfires generated by the alleged unintentional rumors that Herbert is challenging me in 2010. I may be older than the hills, but I'm still spry. I plan to die with my boots on (sitting in my Senate office)!"

Republican legislators: "Those pesky Democrats have violated the natural law of this state, which poses a wearisome summer for us. Against all odds, they have recruited many qualified, competent, hard-working candidates to oppose us. They have violated the sacred tradition that most of us should go unchallenged in the general election. This is clearly a moral issue."

Democratic legislators: "How dare those pesky Republican incumbents take credit for all the great things that are happening in this state. Imagine, them claiming responsibility for a balanced budget, a strong economy, great quality of life and national recognition as the country's best managed state, when they've only been running things for a couple of decades."

Democratic candidates in general: "We will be spending every summer moment reminding voters that Barack Obama is the nominee and not Hillary Clinton. Also, that McCain has close ties to evangelicals who hate Mormons. By the way, did you know that Obama, not Clinton, will be the Democratic nominee?"