Signs of the times? Civility may be at all-time low

"We will be happy to serve you as soon as your cell phone conversation has ended. Thank you for your consideration," reads the sign at Sugarhouse Barbeque Company.

Managers posted the sign to keep chatty customers from holding up the popular eatery's long lunch-hour line.

"It's hard to say whether it's really made a difference or not," said assistant manager Miriam Mortensen. "I have seen people get off their cell phones and apologize."

Pharmacist Eric Loveridge doesn't have a cell phone sign at Dick's Pharmacy in Bountiful. He just waits for patrons to end the call before turning his attention to them. "It doesn't do any good to try to explain something to someone while they're having a conversation with Uncle Joe," he said.

Though Loveridge and Mortensen said it isn't a huge problem, cell phone use does irritate customers waiting to place orders.

"Every single action of our lives has consequences for others, and we should care about that," Forni said.

Although people are hard-wired for empathy, they are not born with the ability to put that instinct into everyday practice, Forni said.

"We need to learn that. Someone needs to teach us," he said.

Traditionally, that teaching occurred at the family dinner table. As parents taught their children to eat with their mouths closed, they also conveyed the ethical rule that their actions affect others.

"Good manners are the training wheels of altruism," Forni said. "They are very important because it is the initial exposure to the principal of ethical behavior for young children."

Manners are still taught today but not as seriously or extensively as in the past. Busy, stressed parents often don't have the physical or emotional energy to teach their children considerate conduct. And they may not be the best examples themselves.

"If nobody's teaching you to be civil, it's fairly easy to fall into the behavior pattern of being less civil," said Utah State University special education professor Richard West, who, like Forni, laments the demise of the family dinner table.

West, executive director of USU's Center for the School of the Future, considers himself more than a casual observer of human interactions, especially in school settings.

"Civility has taken a backseat to brash behavior, abrupt behavior and winning," he said. "A lot of this has to do with our celebration of competition over collaboration."

Incivility raises its head in all kinds of public forums, such as city council meetings and legislative committee meetings where even those invited to testify end up being berated.