Changing everything in life out of love

My eldest son, Joe, is trying to save my life.

Even if it kills me.

"I want you to be around to play with my grandkids," he said.

No big deal, I thought. For Joe, grandchildren are probably only a decade away.

"I'm only 56, Son," I said. "I think I can make it for 10 more years."

"Maybe," he said, eyeing me critically. "But I don't want to have to bring them to your nursing home to see you."

That stung a little.

"Hey, I'm still in pretty good shape for a guy my age," I said.

"Yeah," he said, "if your age was 80."

Ouch.

"OK, I know I'm a little heavy," I said. "But it isn't THAT bad, is it?"

"Actually, Dad, you're the perfect weight," he said, "for a guy who is 6' 10"."

Since I'm significantly shorter than 6' 10", I'll assume that was not a compliment.

"OK, I'll start to exercise more," I said. "And I'll try to eat better."

"At this point, Dad, that isn't enough," Joe said. "We need to change everything."

"Everything?" This sounded serious.

"Everything!" he insisted.

So these days I'm following this special diet that Joe introduced me to, in which I eat plants and animals, and that's pretty much it. By "plants" I mean fruits and vegetables. No grains, no potatoes, no corn on the cob, no sugar, no beans — not even peanut butter. That last one seems kind of strange to me because I'm allowed to eat nuts. But evidently a peanut is a legume, not a nut. Who knew? I'm thinking the guy who named them probably figured people wouldn't really go for something called a "pealegume," so he lied and called them "peanuts."

Good call.