Elaborate gimmicks to entice moviegoers are nothing new

According to recent reports, movie revenues are way down (domestically, not internationally) and studios are flummoxed by the news.

So how do you suppose they'll react? By making better movies? Or by coming up with more elaborate gimmicks to lure moviegoers away from their homebound gadgets and get them back into theater seats?

If tradition holds true, I'm thinking more gimmicks are on the way.

You may look at such technological marvels as 3-D (through those obnoxious glasses) and IMAX (the oversized screen that takes up an entire wall) and D-Box (which brings on nausea by shaking your chair in unison with the action on the screen) — and sometimes all three for one movie — as just Hollywood's way of jacking up 21st century admission fees. But motion pictures have a long history of falling back on technological gimmickry when audiences begin to drift away.

Think of these additions to the film experience as desperate devices created during panic attacks. That might make more sense than the notion that these strange forms of audience-building technology are really the result of people sitting around boardroom tables and strategizing.

But even gimmicks that panned out and stayed with us — such as sound, color, widescreen and stereo — started out simply as something new to compete with other entertainment mediums. And all were initially considered passing fancies.

Cole Porter wrote a great satirical song on the subject, "Stereophonic Sound," which is performed in the 1957 musical "Silk Stockings" by Fred Astaire and Janis Paige. Insert "3-D," "IMAX" and "D-Box" into these (abbreviated) lyrics — replacing "Ava Gardner" with, say, "Amy Adams" or "Sandra Bullock" — and think about how well they apply to modern moviegoing:

Today to get the public to attend a picture show,

It's not enough to advertise a famous star they know.

If you want to get the crowds to come around

You've gotta have glorious Technicolor,

Breathtaking Cinemascope and

Stereophonic sound.

The customers don't like to see

The groom embrace the bride

Unless her lips are scarlet

And her mouth is five feet wide.

In glorious Technicolor,