This will be fast: Just slow down

Editor's note: Doug Robinson is on vacation. The following is a reprint of a column he wrote in 2006.

I'll make this quick. I know you're in a hurry. Everybody is. That's why you're reading this so fast.

(I'll try to write fast, too.)

We do everything fast in this country. Think about it, quickly.

We have fast food, but that's not fast enough — we have drive-thrus for Faster Food.

We have fast lanes and HOV lanes, which are faster fast lanes. They put HOV lanes for sale to single drivers recently and sold out permits so FAST that you would have thought they were giving away diamonds.

There are self-checkout counters and express lanes at the grocery store.

There are drive-in banks, drive-in pharmacies, drive-in laundromats.

There are even drive-in churches in some parts of the country — worshipping made fast and convenient. Anyone for an express prayer?

There is express mail, Jiffy Lube, pay-at-the-pump gas stations, online shopping.

People go everywhere armed with cell phones, fax machines and Blackberries as if they're the president and any moment they might have to decide whether to launch nuclear missiles. I once heard a guy talking on his cell while sitting on the throne in a public restroom. Gee, we used to read hair spray cans. Talk about a lost moment of contemplation.

There are computers that operate in nanoseconds, but if we have to wait more than a couple of seconds for a response we blow an O ring.

We hurry so we can hurry to do other things hurriedly, like getting to little league games and dance lessons and workouts and errands.

(Are you still with me, or did you have to hurry off to the Pilates class?)

If we have to wait more than a few minutes in the post office, we roll our eyes and look at our watches, as if we're waiting for a bus.

Even when we recreate, we recreate quickly. If the foursome ahead of us is not playing at a certain speed, we get teed off.

(We're almost done here. Hey, I'm writing as fast as I can.)