Unsettling season: Noisy, bright, busy holidays are challenge for families of children with autism

SANDY —

Here's an unforgettable Christmas scene from the past: a younger Brady Cook, agitated because his current obsession, a battery-powered toy drill that was under the tree, is not working. In the meltdown that ensues, he puts his head through the sheetrock wall. Meanwhile, as Robert and Sharon Cook try to calm their son, his brothers, Nick, Christopher and Coby, open their own gifts by themselves and play with them quietly.

When Brady's having a day like that, there's no visiting relatives or friends. Even on Christmas Day.

Brady, 16, was born prematurely, weighing in at a mere pound and a half. He's nearly blind and has other physical problems. But the one that changed the Cook family's lives is autism.

And as many parents of children who have an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can tell you, Christmas is a challenging time of year.

The holiday season is full of changes and unpredictability, from the lights strung on houses to the blaring Christmas music. There are new sights, new smells, new sounds, much of it unrelenting for someone with autism. A life that has been deliberately structured to cope with ASD may start to unravel.

"It is not surprising that many individuals with autism struggle around the holidays, because the holidays present challenges in areas commonly difficult for those with ASD," says Dr. Deborah Bilder, assistant clinical professor in the University of Utah department of psychiatry, who works extensively with autism. Crowds are hard. So is visiting, whether family and friends come to you or you go to them. And "most families don't travel," Bilder said. "It's always a balance between meeting the need of the affected child and the rest of the family."

Tossing tradition

"We all have our holiday expectations and rituals ingrained in us from the time we were kids," says Kelly Green, of Monrovia, Calif., whose son Wyatt, nearly 13, stopped speaking as a toddler. "When you have a child that can't have the same ritualistic experiences the way we had it, it becomes kind of weird for the family."

It's hard, especially for the siblings of the child with the disorder, she adds. Her family has coped by making sure Wyatt has an escape when it becomes too much, a quiet place to retreat.