On second thought...

What a great week this will be! The congressional "supercommittee" will unveil its grand plan for saving the republic on Wednesday, just in time for us all to give thanks around the turkey. Then on Friday, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny will join forces to make this the best Christmas ever.

What, you don't believe in miracles? You don't remember the 1980 Olympic hockey team? Hmmm. Maybe we should hire them to balance the budget.

Some on the supercommittee now want a 2-step process. Beware of that second step, though. It's a doozy.

If Congress were in charge of creating a 12-step program for addiction, the first 11 steps would be, "Just keep drinking, abusing substances or doing whatever it is you're doing." The 12th step, to be taken at some undetermined time way down the road, would be, "Stop."

Did you hear the one about the obscenely wealthy guys who fought each other over a pot of gold and ended up knocking the whole thing over a cliff? Oh wait, that was the NBA players and owners.

Word has it that major universities are struggling to find classroom space for all those basketball players who suddenly realize they may have to graduate in order to earn a living.

Some Utah lawmakers want the state to join a movement for doing away with the Electoral College as the way to elect the president. Apparently, returning to the Constitution's original intent applies only to those parts that help Republicans. Otherwise, the Founding Fathers? Why, those old men didn't craft a document for OUR times.

Actually, I thought the Electoral College made Republicans look pretty good in 2000.

Wait, aren't these the same folks who got so angry at people calling America a democracy they passed a law requiring schools to teach that it's a "constitutional republic?" Now they want to make it more of a democracy? And we wonder why schoolteachers say their job is so stressful?

Supporters, including some prominent Republicans, say presidential candidates would pay more attention to Utah under a popular-vote system. This, of course, is because Utah has such a large population with so many voters equally divided between the parties.

Actually, a state dominated by one party won't get national political attention under any system, even if Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and the supercommittee joined forces and waved a wand.

Jay Evensen is the associate editorial page editor of the Deseret News. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.