The top 5 parent-teen fights — and how to stop them

Teens and parents most commonly engage in one of five different arguments, according to youthologist Vanessa Van Petten and her website radicalparenting.com.

1. It's not fair!

The feeling is often a teen's angst about not being "special enough." A parent should ask why something seems unfair, which allows a peek into the emotional intent behind the upset. Usually, an explanation of why a child can't have a new dress, for example, will resolve it, she says. We won't have vacation unless we can save money and that's important to all of us.

2. Treat me like a grown-up!

This is the basis for most fights and the faster you address it, the better. Discuss why a child can't stay out late, for example. Try, Van Petten says, to "help teens feel mature in other ways."

3. We are a different person!

Teenagers often choose ways to be deliberately different from their parents, "even if it gets them in trouble." First, check yourself and make sure you are allowing your child to be a unique individual. Help her know that some things you impose, like grades standards, are to preserve her future options. "Be very direct with teenagers about their need to be their own person," she writes. "You might be surprised what common fights are actually based in this emotional intent."

4. I just want to have fun!

Teens prioritize fun — and parents can seem like the enemy of it. Often the fight is miscommunication; the teen is seeking fun, the parent wants the child to be safe. Make sure your teen knows you just want him safe and the fun to be appropriate. For instance, acknowledge it was a tough week and he worked hard, but you'll both relax once you know which parents are at the party she's hoping to attend.

5. FOMO! — Fear of missing out.

He wants a video game that is expensive or to buy clothing parents find inappropriate. Recognize that a teen's identity is closely tied to that of friends. Discuss it before you decide. Often, asking why it's desired and why it has to be "right now" will reveal that fear of missing out. It's a great opener to talk about "true" interests and not just fads, she says.

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