It's easy to exist instead of live

" But the days grow short when you reach September."

—"September Song,"

lyrics by Maxwell Anderson

The past few years have been a reality check for my perspective on aging.

I'm not alone in this as I talk to people all the time about their experiences with aging parents.

It is one of the most difficult and challenging of times when a parent who has been our rock and caregiver all these years has the reverse begin to happen. They need us to care for them.

It never occurred to me that I would really grow old until now, and the reason for the change has been watching my mother.

Dad died when he was 80, and although he went through some health difficulties, mother was there to care for him.

It breaks my heart watching mother go from an independent person, lovely and charming, to needing constant care, in a wheelchair and sleeping much of the time.

Even after her stroke she retained much of her memory. When we would visit she told us many stories that we hadn't taken the time to sit and listen to.

We have seen her decline through the three years since her stroke and heart attack, but two months ago when she had another small stroke, it did more damage.

There is no joy watching her struggle for words.

Now when she is awake she is not quite in tune with the world and things around her. She starts thoughts and cannot finish them.

She mixes dreams with reality — the dead with the living. But still she is here, and I love to hug her and hold her hands.

Some of my concern is selfish because I'm not that far behind her. The larger part is watching such an elect lady struggle to still try to live with dignity.

The saving part is the wonderful memories and the truth of a life well lived.

She will leave a legacy of love to her children and grandchildren.

When the end finally comes, it won't be sad because I know she will be happy to be with dad.

It will be a completion of a life lived in harmony with her family, her friends, her neighbors and now the caring staff at Welcome Home in Bountiful.