When does shyness become a disorder?

The New York Times recently ran an article about shyness, saying "there are people too afraid of disapproval to venture out for a job interview, a date or even a meal in public."

When shyness becomes this extreme, it is often called social phobia or social anxiety disorder. However, many wouldn't consider shyness a disorder, and oftentimes it isn't. So how can parents identify when shyness is inhibiting their child's social capabilities?

The definition of shyness, according to shyness.com, "Chronic and longstanding fear of negative evaluation and tendency to avoid interpersonal situations without a guarantee of acceptance and support, accompanied by significant fears of embarrassment and shame in social interaction."

The site continues to say that the percentage "of adults in the United States reporting that they are chronically shy, such that it presents a problem in their lives, had been reported at 40 percent, plus or minus 3 percent, since the early 1970s."

According to a 1998 study called the National Comorbidity Survey, conducted by Ronald Kessler at Harvard Medical School, more than 13 percent of Americans experience the symptoms of social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.

Not only is there confusion between shyness and social anxiety disorder, but shyness is also oftentimes confused with introversion. However, a shy person is not necessarily introverted. Psychology Today says that introversion is a lack of interest, while shyness is a fear of socializing. "You're shy doesn't mean you don't want to be around people, and vice versa."

An online forum asks the question of how to approach extremely shy people and how to bring them out of their shell. One responder said to "bear in mind, too, that some people aren't necessarily bashful; they may just be extremely introverted."

There are many people who are not shy but prefer to be on their own.

Another responder said, "Why are people so shy when 'knowing full well that they're smart and interesting inside?' Well, you got it wrong. I don't think other people would find me very interesting or would like me, I'm scared they'll reject me, etc. So yeah, it's a fear of rejection and that people won't like me is the major reason I'm so shy."

So, shyness is not a disinterest in people but a fear of interacting with people. All of this can be important for a parent who has a child who shows signs of shyness or social anxiety disorder.