Frank Pignanelli & LaVarr Webb: If only the Pioneers had brought Twitter with them
Jim.firstname.lastname@example.org: I get to throw the first pitch. You know, I can throw left handed and right handed.
Gary.email@example.com: I can help organize the town and area. We are recognized for being great managers, after all.
Karen.firstname.lastname@example.org: Ha! Whatever Herbert does, I can do better.
Brother.email@example.com: So that commerce may thrive in the Land of Deseret, we must establish a bank … how about Zions Bank?
Mike.firstname.lastname@example.org: A bank? That means borrowing! We can have no borrowing in Zion. It leads to horrendous evils, such as debt-limit increases.
Thomas.wright@GOPpoliticaladulthood.com: Brother Brigham, help! Brothers Huntsman and Romney are wrestling in the mud and the congregation is picking sides. They are even wagering on the outcome.
Jim.email@example.com: I sense a business opportunity. Where can I construct the Diet Coke stand?
Michael.firstname.lastname@example.org: Just no liquor stores.
Brother.email@example.com: This is a time for celebration and a prayer of thanks.
Chris.firstname.lastname@example.org: But we're in Mexican territory with no documentation. I'll set up a printing press to create fake IDs with stolen Social Security numbers.
Steve.urquhart@don'teducateillegals.com: I just hope the Mexicans let us have buggy driving privileges, our children get in-state tuition, and our babies have citizenship.
Stephen.email@example.com: Let's just say we're all legal, but everyone who comes in after us are illegal aliens.
Curt.firstname.lastname@example.org: Not so fast! We are all the Lord's children. Besides, who will pick the crops and clean our homes?
Brother.email@example.com: Brother Bramble is right. We need to live in peace with each other.
Jana.firstname.lastname@example.org: Well, whatever we do together better be subject to GRAMA or else!
David.email@example.com: I expect everyone to sign their pledges — no matter how much they contradict each other.
David.firstname.lastname@example.org: Can we have a pledge for diversity?
Ross.email@example.com: Yeah. Diversity also includes political differences. We better see some stuff for Democrats.
Ken.firstname.lastname@example.org: Our first political priority must be to become a state so I can defend states' rights!
Obnoxious.email@example.com: Frank and LaVarr here. Brother Brigham, who cares about politics! We just want to say thanks for another summer holiday.
Brother.firstname.lastname@example.org: This is almost enough to drive a teetotaler to defy the Word of Wisdom. However, we'll be enacting some liquor laws to keep us all on the straight and narrow.
Republican LaVarr Webb is a political consultant and lobbyist. Previously he was policy deputy to Gov. Mike Leavitt and Deseret News managing editor. Email: email@example.com. Democrat Frank Pignanelli is a Salt Lake attorney, lobbyist and political adviser. Pignanelli served 10 years in the Utah House of Representatives, six years as minority leader. His spouse, D'Arcy Dixon Pignanelli, is a state tax commissioner. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.