Frank Pignanelli & LaVarr Webb: If only the Pioneers had brought Twitter with them
Pignanelli & Webb: Notwithstanding the modern focus on entertainment and sports activities, the most important day in our state was not when Jimmer Fredette was drafted, or the Lady Gaga concert. The singular biggest event was July 24, 1847 —? 164 years ago today. Thus, in the spirit of the Pioneer Day holiday, we provide a "re-enactment" of Brother Brigham's entry into the valley using modern technology, including texts and tweets from political personalities.
Brother.firstname.lastname@example.org: Just emerged from the mountains. What beauty and what potential. We should all give thanks to our Heavenly Father for our deliverance. But I must say that I am exhausted and feel poorly.
Orrin.email@example.com: Brother Brigham, I have what you need ?— vitamins, antioxidants, and all sorts of alternative remedies. I also have a new arrival song, and I will sell you the MP3.
Jason.firstname.lastname@example.org:< No, Brother Brigham, what you really need is young, vibrant, right-wing leadership to replace the dinosaurs, support you, and fight the feds.
Brother.email@example.com: Just landed next to zoo, (no, not the Legislature, although there are a lot of strange beasts), and proclaimed, "This is the place." Now we must organize ourselves. Praise the Lord!
Utah.firstname.lastname@example.org: Well, whatever we organize, you better make sure it's a republic and not a democracy.
Gayle.email@example.com: Whatever we charter, we must avoid the evil words "social" and "diversity."
Mike.firstname.lastname@example.org: And whatever we charter, it must have a balanced budget. Here's a book about it.
Jason.email@example.com: And whatever we charter, it had better include cut, cap and balance.
Stephen.firstname.lastname@example.org: As part of the charter, I will provide political districts. Do you prefer a doughnut hole, or layer cake for Salt Lake County?
Curt.email@example.com: Brother Brigham, I don't care about charters, but I hereby volunteer to organize the first annual feral cat hunt.
Brother.firstname.lastname@example.org: Why are some of you burning paper money and demanding all transactions in gold or silver?
Mike.email@example.com: I have a wagonload of copies of the Constitution. The family may be starving for food and without clothes, but I am warmed by the wisdom of the Founding Fathers.
Brother.firstname.lastname@example.org: We made it to the only tree in the valley. I will relax under the shade, sip some Brigham's Tea, and await for our brothers and sisters to gather.
Jason.email@example.com: Please forbid full-body searches as the parties arrive. They are contrary to the gospel.
Cherilyn.firstname.lastname@example.org: I like that tea thing. Could we turn it into a tea party?
Becky.email@example.com: I will go ahead and establish a colony of the faithful in Utah valley. We will declare ourselves independent, in thought and culture, from the rest of you.
Brad.firstname.lastname@example.org: I am heading north with Brother Scott Jenkins. We better get the same treatment as those in the valley.
Lavar.email@example.com: Brother Brigham, can Brother P. Rockwell and the rest of the posse track down and punish those heathens who wrote and produced that blasphemous Broadway play?
Ralph.firstname.lastname@example.org: Hold on! Don't kill them. We need that play to open for the new downtown Broadway theatre.
Brother.email@example.com: I have arrived at a gentle part of the valley and have designated the spot for corner of Temple streets.
Rob.firstname.lastname@example.org: Temple? You must mean the new baseball stadium. Great. I will start marking the diamond.