Negotiating with terrorists and 4-year-olds

You expect to need a certain skill set to raise a child.

Patience, love and the ability to make just about anything out of elbow macaroni and glitter glue are tops on the list of this parenting tool kit.

What nobody told me was that I would also need to be well trained in the art of hostage negotiations and overall diplomacy.

Luckily, I've caught on quickly and am now highly skilled in mediating the daily onslaught of high-stakes scenarios in our home.

For example, I am able to calmly de-escalate hostage situations by remaining calm and keeping my voice soothing as I say, "Nicole, please hand mommy the scissors. No, don't run to mommy with the scissors. Just hand it over. That's right. Just nice and easy."

I am also adept at convincing our 4-year-old daughter that her 10-month-old sister does not enjoy being pulled over onto her back in a kung fu snuggle.

Again, I use my old stand-by tactic here, "Step away from the baby and no one gets hurt. That's right, nice and easy."

When handling the demands of my 4-year-old, I live by three strict rules:

1. Don't let the enemy see you sweat. Preschoolers can smell fear and sense weakness. Don't let them know that you really have no idea what you'll do when you reach the number 3. Just keep counting. You'll think of something.

2. Pick your battles. Skipping a few fights over wearing mismatched socks to the park might be a good idea, especially when you need the real fire power for the post-park meltdown about to occur in Aisle 7 of the grocery store.

3. When all else fails, sometimes all the terrorist needs is a good, old-fashioned snuggle.

It's a pity President Obama hasn't caught on to this remedy guaranteed to halt escalating tension. Yes, maybe all the Middle East really needs is a good tickle fight.

Perhaps most importantly, I have taken a strict no-negotiating-with-terrorists stand in our home, which means I don't bargain for lesser punishments, more treats or "just one more minute at the playground. Please oh please?"

I will, however, let my daughter get her way when she bungles her negotiation. If I say three more cookies, and she counter offers with two more, I graciously accept her terms.

So I think I'm going to add my high-level diplomacy skills to my resume this week.

I do have a few kinks to work out on my way to being the queen of high-stakes negotiations, however. For example, when my daughter asked me for a piece of candy this week, I replied, "You can have one piece, but only after dinner."

She looked at me with a half smirk on her face and said, "Nice try, Mom. I'm not negotiating."

I may have met my match.

Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, Stewart discusses it all while her 4-year-old daughter crams Mr. Potato Head pieces in her little sister's nose.

Email: estewart@desnews.com