Licensed therapist speaks on healthy relationships

OREM — There has "never, ever been a better time in history to develop a healthy intimate relationship," said a licensed marriage and family therapist to single adults gathered at Utah Valley University on Saturday evening.

"On the flip side, we also live in a time when there have never been so many challenges to forming and maintaining intimate relationships," said Jill C. Manning, who has testified before a U.S. Senate subcommittee on the harms of pornography and is author of the book, "What's the Big Deal about Pornography: A Guide for the Internet Generation."

Manning and Dan Gray, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of the LifeSTAR Network, spoke to single adults about successfully preparing for marriage given the prevalence of pornography and other negative influences that affect today's dating culture.

The event, titled "A Message for Singles: Preparing for Healthy Intimacy in a Sexually Toxic Culture," was sponsored by S.A. Lifeline — a Utah County foundation established to support, educate and help those struggling with pornography addiction.

During her remarks, Manning told hundreds gathered in the Grand Ballroom of the UVU Student Center that learning what it takes to have a healthy, intimate, authentic connection with someone is one of the most important things they can engage in.

"Every single one of us is wired and designed to connect successfully with another person," she said. "However, there are things like mistakes, weaknesses, even sins … that get in the way and dampen and suppress who we really are and who we can be to, and for, someone else."

Manning said perfection is not a prerequisite for forming a healthy relationship. However, she added, honesty, trust and being trustworthy, and respect and being respectable, are prerequisites for healthy intimacy.

"I have come to believe that many people simply have never been taught the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic relationship," Manning said.

Speaking directly to women, Manning said three lies or stumbling blocks often apply to women attempting to form healthy relationships.

1) Women feel pressure to misrepresent and even lie about who they really are, because they are eager to form relationships and get married. Women do not need to lower their standards to meet a partner, and if they do they will not find the husband they are looking for, she said.