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Associated Press
The New Year's Eve ball is lit at One Times Square for a test run.

"The bagpipe is a difficult instrument to play. Unfortunately it is not impossible."

"If all economists were laid end to end — they would not reach a conclusion."

"An honest politician is one who pays his taxes on all bribes received."

"I remember when you went to a bookstore for a book, Amazon was a river, blackberries were good on cornflakes and a pole dancer was a ballerina from Krakow."

"I remember Pearl Harbor, but I don't remember what she did."

The last three quotes are my own — but the first two were stolen from me by George Bernard Shaw.

— Mark Russell, Tribune Media Services