This year's hot toys won't be found under my tree

Toy manufacturers are evil.

OK, OK, that's a little strong. But the marketing men and women behind the toy manufacturers are indeed evil geniuses.

I've been sampling some of their finest work lately while my daughter consumes a steady diet of advertisements. Just as soon as the days started getting shorter, so did her favorite TV shows.

They had to make room for the onslaught of commercials selling the most amazing toy you've ever seen and if your mother doesn't buy this for you for Christmas than I just don't know how you'll ever show your face at preschool again because you're nothing if you don't own this toy. I mean it. NOTHING.

And every year there are a few select toys that these evil marketing geniuses decide will be the year's "it" toys. They push them hard and they push them often.

You will all no doubt remember the Tickle Me Elmo craze.

Here are some of the "hot toys" out there this year that didn't make it under my Christmas tree this year:

My Pillow Pets: Is it a pillow? Is it a stuffed animal? Who cares? I've got to have it! That's what these commercials will lead you to believe with footage of blissfully happy kids snuggling their pillow pets and embarking on wonderful overnight adventures with their pajamas neatly tucked inside their pillow/animal friend.

Bigfoot the Monster: I'm sorry, is this seriously a toy whose sole purpose is to destroy things while doing flips, stomping around and even burping? Yes, it's basically a 2-year-old boy with batteries. The only difference is your 2-year-old doesn't also come with a $100 price tag.

Silly Bandz: Seriously. Evil marketing geniuses. Let's take a rubber band and tell kids they are priceless collectables. Better yet, convince them that the more they have the more popular they will be and everyone will stare at the vast collection of colored rubber bands on their wrist with envy.

The only thing more ridiculous would be to dupe children into buying pieces of round cardboard. Oh wait, POG anyone?

Squinkies: Toys that are larger than your child's trachea are so 2009. These pint-size dolls are part of the "choking-hazards-marketed-as-toys" line that has swept the market. I suggest buying several sets to replace the pieces you will find in your baby's diaper or on your child's stomach X-ray in 10 years.