Doug Robinson: You want some answers, LeBron James? OK, here you go

"Should I remind you that I've done this before?"

Done what? As you ask this question, the camera shows a kid staring at what appears to be a high school trophy case. What does this mean? That you abandoned your high school for another high school? Or that you won a high school championship and therefore you know how to win a world title?

(You gotta be kidding. LeBron, please, stop; you're making this way too easy.)

"Should I tell you I'm a championship chaser. That I did it for money? Rings?

Tell us you did it because you couldn't handle playing the lead role, that you needed someone to lean on, that you don't have the stomach for it. As proof, you can point to Game 5 in Boston.

"Should I accept my role as a villain?"

Look, you abandoned your hometown in the worst way — the same town that wrote a song begging you to stay. If that weren't bad enough, now you're fishing for sympathy from a public that's just happy to have a job while you're making $40 million a year and your biggest problem is you got your feelings hurt. Yes, the villain role fits.

"Should I stop listening to my friends?"

Yes. All three of them.

"Should I try acting?"

Isn't that what you were doing all along?

"Should I remove my tattoo?"

Good idea. The "CHOSEN 1" tattoo on your back is vain and presumptuous and no longer applies.

"Maybe I should just disappear."

You did it in the playoffs; you can do it again.

e-mail: drob@desnews.com