There's a difference between managing, leading

So you've got this leader who is best friends with two of his employees.

They drink beers together. They visit each others' homes. They continuously text each other. Their families even do things together.

Bring in the seven other employees this leader supervises.

They don't drink beers with him. They don't visit his home or vice-versa. They don't text each other. And no, their families don't do things together either.

Here's the problem — or at least one of the problems.

This so-called leader shares personal and sometimes confidential information about the seven with his two buddies who are on the same level as the other seven.

So now this leader has created discord in his office. Not only has he singled out favorites, but he has shared personal and confidential information.

As a result, the two buddies walk around with a feeling of entitlement, whisper under their breath and roll their eyes at the other seven like they are in second or third class on the Titanic.

So, it's no surprise that there are power struggles, lack of trust, disloyalty and a "who cares" attitude.

Someone walking in off the street might think it's a harmonious and healthy work environment. There is sometimes laughter, there are staff pictures, there is occasional food set out like a pot luck, but just like in many family reunions, underneath the lipstick and plastered-on smiles, there is hurt, pain, disappointment, sadness, avoidance, shock, bitterness, jealousy and negativity.

Did this "manager" create discord in this workplace?

It is highly likely.

Contrast to another leader I know who recognizes each employee, sincerely asks them about their goals and their family, buys pizza in-house for all, compliments each one personally, works to be fair and does not do personal family outings with his employees unless he can include all of them.

The first "manager" might think that the "seven" are the reason for the discord when in actuality he is.

Examine how you treat your employees and why you give special privileges to some and not to others.

Work to acknowledge those you haven't.

Be fair to all.

Work to get to genuinely know people, even their names

It may take some time before your culture changes, but hey, you've got to start somewhere.

Might as well be with you.

Cynthia Kimball is a professional speaker and trainer. She writes a column for weeklies in southern Utah and is a southern Utah correspondent for Deseret News. She can be reached at kimball@every1counts.net. Her column, "Every1Counts," appears on deseretnews.com bi-monthly.