And the winners of Bulwer-Lytton contest are …

Halloween may be over but if you're in the mood for a few more thrills, check out this year's completely awesome winners of our annual mock Bulwer-Lytton (www.bulwer-lytton.com) contest.

Well played, people!

We couldn't have said any of these better ourselves.

BEST SCI-FI ROMANCE

He undressed her with his eyes, which was easy for him since his particular alien species had eyes in their fingers. — David Edwards

BEST OH-NO-NOT-ANOTHER-VAMPIRE-ROMANCE

Slowly, wordlessly, Della gazed into Edwin's dark eyes and wondered if a human could ever learn to live with a vampire, and Edwin … solemnly, deliberately, without any discernible movement … looked into Della's eyes and wondered if his family would ever accept a mortal, while Jason, in the audience, looked at his watch again and wondered if an occasional bubble screen pass to the running back would help eliminate the predictability of the Colts' offense. — Richard Nash

BEST REALITY CHECK

Upon reaching middle age he found that he could afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted, only to find that he could not afford to eat pizza anytime that he wanted. — Al Byers

BEST EXTENDED METAPHOR INVOLVING A HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE

Nigel was tired and his enthusiasm for life was kaput: life was like a vacuum with a full bag that just can't suck properly, leaving lint and stray hairs all over the carpet. — Rebecca Crandall

HAPPIEST DILEMMA INVOLVING THE VILLAGE PEOPLE

The question in the village was not so much who would marry merry Mary as who would merry Mary marry? — Robert Layton

BEST ROMANCE INVOLVING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

She met his gaze and their eyes locked like a heat-seeking missile locks onto its target, only hotter and with fewer casualties. — Steve P. Taylor

BEST NON-ROMANCE

Cornelius was painfully afraid that his new girlfriend was cheating on him, even as the magic drained from their relationship like dirty water from a partially stopped-up sink that cried out for the liberal use of a quality drain cleaner; yet, he still begged her to reconsider and give him one more chance to win at Backgammon. — Bruce Hastings

BEST BUT MOST UNFORTUNATE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE