Shame helps keep porn in the dark

This is the fourth installment in a series on pornography and its impact on families.

To be fair, the room was crowded — by anyone's definition.

But after several minutes of observation, it became apparent the crowd itself had little to do with the unusual congestion in the middle of the hotel foyer that morning.

After rising early on a Saturday and paying twice the cost of a movie ticket to get in, grandparents, PTA moms and young couples had all entered the room with conviction. But somewhere between a glance at literature about child pornography and illustrations on hormonal changes after viewing nudity, much of their confidence shattered.

People gravitated toward the middle of the open reception area, distancing themselves from any specific information booth that lined the walls.

The keynote address wasn't to begin for another 30 minutes.

Many were noticeably nervous, always on the lookout: "Who'll I see? … Who'll see me?"

To be seen at an anti-pornography conference might be perceived as noble. But the thought of being seen — no, caught — by a neighbor standing at a specific booth inquiring about pornography filtering software, or information on sex addiction support groups, clearly distressed many of the 1,000-plus attendees at this year's Utah Coalition Against Pornography spring conference in downtown Salt Lake.

"Would appearing interested at a booth make me or my family look like users?"

There was still a strong sense of camaraderie among attendees throughout the day, but a nervous gentleman in his 40s summed up much of the mild, anxiety-laden environment with a softly spoken but overheard question to a volunteer at the event's registration table: "They're not going to send us stuff in the mail for this, are they?"

Into the light

Overwhelmingly, sexual addiction experts say it's that kind of hesitancy, shame and embarrassment that surrounds pornography that largely prevents families from getting the information they need to fight it from the start and individuals the courage to step forward later for help.

Mothers and wives are too humiliated to approach bookstore registers with a book about helping a loved one overcome pornography.