New initiative sheds light on pornography's impact on families
DMC launches 'Out in the Light: women uniting against pornography'
"It is very hard to hold him to those consequences," she continues. "I am home with seven kids who are not happy with my choice."
But, she said, she won't go back to the way things were, to the years she knew something was wrong but didn't know how to articulate her fears.
"I would check phone records. I would check mileage on his car. I would follow him. I would arrange my schedule so I could drive by his work. I was trying to find truth that I could take to him. I was always trying ... to catch him. Looking back I didn't need that proof. I knew something was wrong."
The entire process drained her of self esteem.
"I had a lot of pain. The main thing was, 'Where the heck was I.' All this stuff is going on around me. How could I have missed such huge things. ... You don't get married to get divorced. That is what I believed and hoped I could have. I denied a lot of things."
Now, she says, there are things she knows. She loves him. She wants to stay married. She wants him to be healthy.
And she knows something else. She won't live a lie.
"I can't go back down that road," she said. "That is not OK."
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