The Flylady: Combating perfectionism

From the day we were born we have had perfectionism shoved down our throats. You know those words as well as I do: \"If you can't do it right then don't do it at all!\" We were also forced to redo things when we didn't do them to suit the person giving the orders.

None of us like to be dictated to. What we were taught by these words and actions is that it didn't matter how well we did something because it was never going to live up to the expectations of that person we were trying to please. Do you want to know what happened then? We gave up! We didn't even try anymore because we knew it would not be good enough.

This pattern of being put down was all you heard. That is why we feel the need to beat ourselves up when we don't do something right. This negative attitude was drilled into our heads. We were brainwashed with this perfectionism. Now in our parent's defense; they had the same thing done to them. It is all they knew! We can put a stop to this vicious cycle of perfectionism through the generations.

We are our own people, and we have made a choice to change. We are not being dictated to by our parents any longer. You may have just gotten fed up with living in CHAOS (Cant Have Anyone Over Syndrome) or you may have heard about this FlyLady person who can help you get your house clean. Whatever the reason; you are ready to try something new. This time the choice is yours.

When we get to make the decision it is much easier for us to do. The only problem is that we still have those negative voices echoing in our heads. This is why we beat ourselves up. It is those voices from the past that make FLYing difficult. They tell us the same old message we have heard from day one. You have to do it perfectly or don't do it. So when you are not FLYing the way you think you are supposed to then you quit trying. This is also why we get overwhelmed.

In the perfectionism we had forced on us; we look at the whole picture instead of just doing something. We don't think that 15 minutes can make a difference in a messy house. This goes back to getting it done right. We expect ourselves to magically do it all in one day. We are not Supermen or Superwomen. So with this negativity ping ponging in our heads we tell ourselves we don't have time.

The real thing we are saying is not that we don't have time, but that we don't have time to do it right. This is when we begin to do what has always been done to us. We beat ourselves up or we punish ourselves. Because of this perfectionism we don't feel worthy.