Motherhood has its ups, downs and sideways

I am just beginning to resurface after my daughter was born six weeks ago. I am attempting to rejoin normal society after several weeks of hiding out at home while navigating life as a mother of two.

As I venture back out into the world, I am realizing that new mothers really are a breed of their own. We are out there, mixing with polite society and trying to hide the fact that we spent most of the morning trying to find a shirt not coated in spit-up and breast milk. We then spend the rest of the day hoping no one notices that we wore the stained shirt anyway.

Besides the crusties on our clothes, there are several key things that bond us new moms together:

1. The greatest luxury in life we can imagine is taking a shower — alone. I'm not talking about any sort of spa scenario here, just taking a shower without a baby crying in the background or a 3-year-old peeking behind the curtain to ask why my belly button looks so dark and wrinkly.

2. We secretly still wear maternity clothes. Oh yes, it's all elastic waistbands for me, baby. I refuse to wear my regular pants until they actually fit. And by fit, I mean I can wear them without the waistband giving me the king of all muffin tops.

3. We are dumb. Now I don't mean to offend any moms out there, but seriously, I must have lost at least one-third of my brain cells when this baby was born. I could blame it on sleep deprivation or the fact that I have a lot on my mind right now, but the bottom line is that I really feel stupid. Yesterday, for example, I asked my husband if he was going to "vacuum the lawn" anytime soon. I also spent about 10 minutes trying to remember the word for when you take one piece of paper and make it into two. That difficult word — in case you're wondering — is cut.

4. Our husbands just don't get it. No matter how well-intentioned husbands are, they simply are clueless when it comes to babies and the emotional state of new moms. For example, I often ask my husband to take the baby for a minute so I can do something fun and exciting for myself, like the dishes. During this time, my husband follows me around the house with a crying baby saying helpful things like "Could she be hungry? Is it time to feed her?" or "What should I do? What does she want?" And then of course there is my personal favorite, "I think she just wants you. Sorry. I tried."