Many parents with autistic kids struggle on alone

DALLAS — Her day might begin at 2 or 3 in the morning, when her 9-year-old autistic daughter, Ashlyn, wakes up next to her. And from that moment on, Jackie Polvado's life is a full-out sprint.

"Ashlyn still sleeps with me because it's the only way we can get any sleep. But I've been up day and night, like when my daughter was up for 48 hours, screaming," said Polvado of Keller, Texas.

"It's exhausting, and there's no end in sight."

For families with children with autism spectrum disorders — a range of developmental disabilities that cause social, communication and behavioral problems — each day can be emotionally overwhelming, stress-filled and isolating.

Family and friends shy away. The child's behavior can leave parents prisoners, trapped at home. If they venture out, passers-by stare, wondering why the child isn't under control.

"Sometimes, the parents think they're admitting failure when they ask for help," said Shanel Tarrant-Simone, the single mother of twin 10-year-old autistic sons. " 'I'm the parent; I should know how to deal with it.'

"But no parent is equipped to do this."

And while neither of these moms could imagine hurting their children, they can begin to understand the hopelessness Saiqa Akhter may have felt when she allegedly killed her two children in Irving, Texas, last month, or how overwhelmed a single mother in New York was to kill her 12-year-old autistic son and then herself.

"People on Facebook were very quick to say, '... how could she do this?' But I say, how did she get to that point?" said Tarrant-Simone of Frisco, Texas. "The isolation and hopelessness — I've felt them."

Still, nothing can excuse what these women did, Polvado said.

"The resources are there — there aren't enough of them, and they cost money, but there is help," she said.

But day in, day out, many families with autistic children say they struggle on alone.

"We don't have other friends coming and offering to baby-sit our children," said Clay Boatright of Plano, Texas, with wife Carole the parents of three daughters, including autistic 10-year-old twins. "They don't have friends inviting them over for sleepovers. What we have is people saying, 'Wow, that must be tough.' "