Newborns evoke overwhelming, lovely memories

Stuff I'd forgotten about newborns:

1. Um. They sleep a lot.

2. But even though they sleep a lot, you still don't get much of anything else (housework, cooking, catching up on celebrity gossip) done.

3. That's because it's just so oddly satisfying to sit around and watch a newborn sleep.

4. Why is this the case?

Because maybe — just maybe — that newborn will do one of those charming newborn tricks.

Like breathe.

Or move her tiny hands.

Or squeak.

Or make dolphin noises.

Or flutter her lids and roll her eyes back into her head. Or blow bubbles.

Or stick her tongue out.

OR MAYBE EVEN SMILE WHILE SHE HAS HER EYES CLOSED.

5. Someone will then say, "That's not a real smile. That's just gas."

6. And then someone else will say, "Dude. Do you smile when YOU have gas?"

7. And then the adolescent males will go hahahaha because they TOTALLY smile whenever gas is passed.

8. And then everyone will wonder aloud why newborns smile in their sleep.

9. My mother-in-law always says that newborns smile because they're happily remembering who they left behind.

10. Who knows?

But I love this idea.

Other stuff I'd forgotten about newborns:

1. In addition to sleeping a lot, they also EAT a lot.

Like every couple of hours. All day long!

All night long, too!

2. This means you're also busy wiping up a lot.

3. You know what I mean.

4. Here's something else. Babies are equipment intensive. When I had my babies, you had about 10 pounds of equipment per one pound of baby.

Now the ratio is more like 100 pounds of equipment per one ounce of baby.