Football ushers in end of summer doldrums

Oooh, can you feel it in the air? It's coming soon, to a freshly cut field of grass (or fake turf) near you. And, if you're like most red-blooded American men (and a lot of women, too, who we'd consider extremely intelligent), you can't wait.

Sure, the calendar on the wall says it's the first day of August, the dreaded dog days of summer.

But all that means is that — finally — football season is on its way.

High school teams have already been busy with that intense, annual conditioning process, and the start of Utah's prep campaign is less than three weeks away. College teams have conducted their preseason polls and politely held their media day activities. They'll be jumping into their grueling double-days or three-a-day practices right away, with the first weekend in September — the season-opener — circled on their calendars.

And training camp is under way for the NFL.

You know, the Nasty Felons League, where a guy like wide receiver Donte' Stallworth is back on the football field again after serving a one-year suspension.

Less than 17 months ago, Stallworth ran over and killed a Florida pedestrian while driving drunk at 7-something in the morning. Now, after serving a whopping 24 days in jail and paying an undisclosed financial settlement to the family of the man he killed, Stallworth will try to resume his football career with the Baltimore Ravens this year.

But, hey, he did get a thousand hours of community service, two years of house arrest and eight years' probation out of what he calls "the situation" — plus a conscience that likely won't ever forgive or forget his fatal mistake.

And then there's Ben Roethlisberger, the Pittsburgh Steelers' star quarterback, who will serve a six-game suspension of his own at the start of this season.

Big Ben hasn't been convicted of any felonies — yet — but he's been accused of sexual assault twice in the past couple of years, the second of which led to his suspension. Maybe Roethlisberger suffered some brain damage in the motorcycle crash he had a few years back. Whatever's causing his bad-boy behavior, we're pretty sure that's not exactly the image the NFL would like to cultivate, especially among its star players.

Or, perhaps, NFL stands for Noticeably Fat Lineman, a title Washington Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth would certainly qualify for after failing to pass the team's conditioning test — twice.