Brothers and sisters of children with autism learn early to cope with differences

BALTIMORE, Md. (MCT) — During a recent first-grade class session at the McDonogh School in Baltimore, Md., 7-year-old Aidan Wade gave an impromptu discussion on what it's like to have a sibling with autism.

"My brother Conor is 11, but his brain thinks he's 5," said the Baltimore boy. "He acts kind of different, but that's OK."

Aidan's words reflect a broad spectrum of attitudes that one might find in siblings of children with autism, a complex set of developmental brain disorders. How a sibling reacts is often dependent upon the severity of the autism, where the child with autism falls in the birth order and how parents model behavior they expect from each of their children.

Siblings of children with autism can face difficulties forming healthy sibling bonds, some studies suggest. Researchers from the University of Washington found in 2007, for example, that some young siblings they studied used fewer words and social smiles than those without autism in the family. The study found that parents reported some "social impairments" in siblings as young as 13 months.

Siblings can face the prospect of tantrums and unexpected behavior from brothers and sisters with autism. They might have to compete for attention. But they can also learn empathy early, experts say.

"We know that there are special demands growing up in a home with a child with autism," said Cathy Groschan, a social worker in Kennedy Krieger Center for Autism and Related Disorders. "But if children view their parents and their peers as responding positively to their sibling's disability, and if they have good factual understanding of the disability, they tend to have positive relationships and a positive outcome."

Peter Bell, vice president of Autism Speaks, a New York-based autism science and advocacy organization, says one thing siblings of children with autism learn is tolerance. "Many of these siblings grow up knowing that a brother or sister might be a little bit different than others," Bell said.

The Pennington, N.J., resident has a 17-year-old son, Tyler, with autism, and two younger children, Derek, 15, and Avery, 11.

"They see it as a part of everyday life and OK to be different and unique," Bell said, "and that sometimes there will be good and bad days, but at the end of the day, you are who you are and what you stand for."