Frumpy Middle-Aged Mom: Cheetah Boy: Cooking up excuses

I've been forcing Cheetah Boy lately to go into the kitchen and cook stuff, even though he complains it's a violation of child labor laws.

He's generally been good about helping out around the house since I broke my foot kung fu fighting. He only grumbles now that it's really his sister's turn to do ... well, almost anything.

I must say, it's remarkable how it's always Curly Girl's turn to do pretty much every chore that needs to be done around here. I keep waiting for him to claim that it's his sister's turn to brush his teeth.

I just tell him that if he can get Buddy the Wonder Dog to do his chores for him, fine. Otherwise get a move on.

I can't cook, one of my friends might see me

Cheetah Boy used to enjoy cooking when he was little, but apparently he's gotten the message now that it's not manly enough, through the strange telepathic communication network that seems to link all teenage boys.

Maybe if I made him put on his cup and sliding shorts when he went into the kitchen instead of an apron, it would feel more macho.

Despite his complaints, though, I want my adolescent son to be able to put a meal on the table. I know too many grown men who live on take-out because they can't even boil an egg.

Cheetah Boy regularly tries a few stunts in his efforts to get out of cooking, including feigning temporary blindness. For example, he is unable to see key ingredients for recipes, even when he's staring right at them.

Here are some of his favorite remarks:

How do I know if the water's boiling?

That pot is dirty, I can't use it.

I can't use the (fill in the blank) because I can't find it.

We don't have any butter (except the pound he's looking at in the fridge).

What am I supposed to do with this (while holding the box with instructions)?

I just remind him that he figured out how to work the TV remote in our hotel in Thailand in 15 seconds flat, so he can figure this out, too.

But, mom, I have homework to do!

In desperation, he's even been forced to use the "I have homework to do," excuse, which might have more credibility if I'd ever heard him use it even once when a friend came to the door and asked him to play outside.