Key is to learn when to quit

I'd like to get a nickel for each time the Vince Lombardi quote, "Winners never quit and quitters never win," has been used.

There's a lot to be said for setting a goal and sticking to it, of not giving up when the going gets rough and all those other adages spouted by coaches, teachers and parents.

But there is another side of the coin, and that is the wise person who knows when to quit.

The person who doesn't give up but will have the courage and vision to see another goal that would better serve, or a need to be met or just moving along in life.

Most of us want to be honorable in how we move on and not in the words of Paul Simon, "Slip out the back, Jack."

Boston Globe Columnist Ellen Goodman reminds us that, "You can fire your secretary, divorce your spouse, abandon your children. But they remain your co-authors forever."

She also gave thought to the graceful exit, saying, "It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over, and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit is an entry, that we are moving on rather than out."

To be perfect on the line between being a quitter and making a graceful exit would be much easier with a crystal ball.

There is always a tipping point in a decision, but when to know the right timing takes luck and practice, and we are going to hit and miss at different times.

The truth of it is that sometimes the cards we are dealt aren't always the ones we want or are fair.

The economy isn't helping, what with tight loan money, people upside down on their mortgages and just grateful to have a job.

Choices and change — they are hard.

Once we get the courage or inspiration to move on, most of us, as Lot's wife did, turn back to take a look.

Usually moving on can be a relief and quite easy; the hard part is remembering what we have left. In our case, it's probably OK to look back as long as we don't do it over and over.

Once we start rehashing our decisions and judging our past selves too severely, we just may turn into a pillar of salt aided by regret and indecision.

We really should relax, because the ultimate graceful exit isn't even in our control.

Five years ago, my mother was living on her own in her condo with the treasures she gathered over the years. She is now nearing the 90-year mark in a wheelchair with some serious hip pain, her condo gone and all her treasures doled out to loved ones.

In spite of that, anyone who visits enjoys being with her because living has made her wise.

"Life," said actor and writer Alan Bennett, "is rather like a tin of sardines — we're all of us looking for the key."

To me the key is to learn when to quit but not be a quitter.

We can't change the past, so glean the best from it and realize it belongs to us. We should enjoy the present and trust that no matter what may come we will be able to face our future.

Easier said than done, of course.

e-mail: sasyoung2@aol.com