DATE MOVIE — * — Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Eddie Griffin; rated PG-13 (vulgarity, violence, profanity, sex, brief nudity, racial epithets).

"Date Movie" opens with a parody of "Napoleon Dynamite," which consists of little more than a bad imitation/replication of Jon Heder's star-making performance. Which should give you an idea of what to expect from the rest of the film.

The character in question — and a spoof of Owen Wilson's "Wedding Crashers" character — are played by Josh Meyers, the least funny member of the unfunny cast of "MADtv," the late-night skit-comedy series. That should also tell you what to expect.

"Date Movie" is supposed to be a send-up of such romantic comedies as "Bridget Jones's Diary," "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," "My Best Friend's Wedding," "Hitch" and the "Meet the Parents" pictures. But it's a uniquely unappetizing combination of unfunny material and unfunny performances.

Alyson Hannigan stars as Julia Jones, a plus-size waitress working at a diner owned by her parents (Eddie Griffin and Meera Simhan), who are urging her to settle down with any guy that will have her. But Julia believes that her patience will pay off, that her Prince Charming will arrive soon.

In the meantime, she's hired a "date doctor" (Tony Cox, from "Bad Santa"), who gives her a makeover — with help from his auto-customizer friends. And as fate would have it, this "new" Julia discovers that her Mr. Right is Grant Funkyerdodder (Adam Campbell), a regular diner customer who, after a whirlwind courtship, proposes to her.

There are still a few obstacles in the way of true love, though. The meeting of their respective parents doesn't go well (Fred Willard and Jennifer Coolidge play Grant's folks), and Grant's drop-dead gorgeous best friend (Australian pop star Sophie Monk) is still in love with him.

The promotional materials tout the fact that the film comes from "two of the writers of 'Scary Movie,' " which pretty much tells you all you need to know about this one. In addition to lame parodies, the humor is heavy on sophomoric sex and bathroom jokes.

And even though Hannigan has proven she can be funny in TV's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the current sitcom "How I Met Your Mother," there's nothing she can do with this material — or with charmless newcomer Campbell.

"Date Movie" is rated PG-13 for prevalent crude humor (references to and sight gags about sexual and other bodily functions), supposedly comic violence, occasional use of strong profanity, simulated sex (done for laughs), some brief, partial female nudity and glimpses of nude artwork, and use of a few racial epithets. Running time: 80 minutes.

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E-mail: jeff@desnews.com