'Panther' isn't wreck it could be

THE PINK PANTHER — ** — Steve Martin, Beyonce Knowles, Kevin Kline; rated PG (violence, vulgarity, mild profanity, brief drugs).

To get any enjoyment out of "The Pink Panther," you have to forget that Peter Sellers ever played Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

You also have to be amused by the sight of Steve Martin falling down, accidentally smacking people in the face and generally acting like a nincompoop . . . as well as the sound of Martin mangling a French accent.

But this "prequel" of sorts to director Blake Edwards' classic "Pink Panther" comedies isn't the hideous, cinematic train wreck that had been rumored. It's just a dumb slapstick comedy with a few mildly diverting moments, most of them taking place during the film's first half.

On the other hand, there's more sexual humor than a PG-rated film should allow.

Martin takes over the role of the clumsy, dim-witted French policeman Clouseau, who's just been handed the case of a lifetime — solving the murder of a revered French soccer coach (Jason Statham) and finding the missing Pink Panther, a valuable diamond that was in his possession.

As it turns out, Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline) has assigned the bungling Clouseau to the case in the hope that it will divert the press while he and his best detectives quietly crack the case.

Dreyfus has also assigned Gilbert Ponton (Jean Reno) to "assist" Clouseau — although he's really, secretly, helping with the more surreptitious investigation.

Unfortunately for Dreyfus, Clouseau seems to be making some headway in the case and has narrowed down the list of suspects to include the deceased coach's pop-star girlfriend (Beyonce Knowles).

Martin's "Cheaper by the Dozen" collaborator Shaun Levy is the wrong choice for director here and shows he has little talent for this type of material. He has the tendency to linger too long on comic scenes, which undercuts any momentum the film gets going.

Levy also lets Martin run wild, although he is the one thing the film has going for it. And you do have to appreciate the fact that Kline is trying to replicate some of the mannerisms of actor Herbert Lom, who originated the role of Dreyfus in the earlier films.

"The Pink Panther" is rated PG for scenes of comic violence (mostly slapstick, as well as some vehicular violence and hand-to-hand combat), crude sexual humor (references and sight gags) and a flatulence gag, scattered use of mild profanity (mostly religiously based), and some brief drug content (a Viagra joke, and use of injected poisons). Running time: 93 minutes.

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E-mail: jeff@desnews.com