DOT THE I — * — Gael Garcia Bernal, Natalia Verbeke, James D'Arcy; rated R (sex, profanity, violence, brief gore, brief nudity, vulgarity); see Page W2 for theaters.

In "Dot the I," terrible things happen after bride-to-be Carmen Colazzo (Natalia Verbeke) kisses would-be actor Kit Winter (Gael Garcia Bernal) as part of a dare.

The term "terrible" not only describes what happens to the characters, it also describes the brain-numbing sensation of having to sit through this movie.

The directorial debut of novelist Matthew Parkhill, "Dot the I" is not content to be just an irksome romantic comedy, which is what it initially appears to be. About halfway through, it turns into something else entirely — an even less successful thriller full of pretense and little else.

What supposedly fuels all of this is the attraction that develops between Carmen and Kit after the kiss, which occurs at her bachelorette party. She'd prefer to forget the kiss, but he won't let it go. He tracks her down at the restaurant where she works and tries to make a date.

She declines, but in the meantime, having to conceal the truth about the kiss has taken its toll on Carmen, putting a strain on her relationship with her fiance, Barnaby Caspian (James D'Arcy).

Not to give too much away, but as it turns out, at least one of the characters is playing a game. However, where Parkhill chooses to go with the material only leads to a dead end. It's clear that he's trying to make some sort of statement about "reality" vs. perceptions, but it's clumsy.

Worse, he apparently encouraged Mexican actor Garcia Bernal to attempt some sort of British accent. He sounds like he's mumbling with a mouthful of rocks, and roughly half of his lines are unintelligible.

Still, he's better than Verbeke, who gives what's possibly the worst female performance so far this year (outside of Jessica Alba), and she's playing an unsympathetic, even reprehensible, character.

"Dot the I" is rated R for simulated sex and other sexual contact, occasional use of strong sexual profanity, violence (a pair of shootings), brief graphic gore, brief female nudity, and use of crude slang terms and other sexual talk. Running time: 91 minutes.

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E-mail: jeff@desnews.com