Are We There Yet?

The title of "Are We There Yet?" refers to a cliche gag, the phrase that's uttered by all impatient youngsters on vacation.

The fact that this strained, mean-spirited and often crude comedy thinks that line is funny explains a lot — including its labored attempts to mine laughs from some of the same material that the "Home Alone" movies drove into the ground years ago.

At times the film is so excruciating that audiences may find themselves asking, "Is it over yet?"

But then what do you expect from a film that relies so heavily on the rather limited charms of its star, rapper-turned-film-entrepreneur Ice Cube? He plays Nick Persons, an immature collectibles-store owner who's set his sights on a new woman, Suzanne Kingston (Nia Long), who runs the bridal-planning business across the street.

However, there's not one but two serious obstacles for him to overcome, namely Suzanne's children, Lindsey and Kevin (Aleisha Allen and Philip Daniel Bolden). These spoiled brats are hoping she will reconcile with their father and are doing everything they can to discourage their mom's new suitors.

That includes the notorious child-hater Nick, who's agreed to take them to Vancouver, where they'll all meet up with her on New Year's Eve. He's hoping this effort will impress Suzanne, but the devious duo run the clueless chump — and his luxury SUV — through the ringer.

Before it's over, director Brian Levant has let all the jokes run on much longer than they should. And in the end, the film tries to redeem these selfish, obnoxious little twerps, who never get the comeuppance they so richly deserve.

There's also a real lack of energy here. Not that Ice Cube is normally a dynamo, but he doesn't seem too motivated by this material.

And it's hard to blame him. The humor is typified by the painfully unfunny recurring gag that has a bobble-head doll of Satchel Paige (voiced by Tracy Morgan) giving life and love advice to Nick. The late baseball great deserves better than that — and so do audiences.

"Are We There Yet?" is rated PG, though it does contains violence (mostly slapstick gags, as well as vehicular mayhem), crude humor involving digestive and other bodily functions, and scattered use of mild profanity. Running time: 96 minutes.

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E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com