One thing Oliver Stone has never been is subtle. In fact, his directing style just might be the most overbearing and style-conscious of any major filmmaking auteur.

But even by his usual standards, even in comparison to Stone's most overwrought films — "Natural Born Killers" and "U-Turn" — his latest, "Alexander," is remarkably unsubtle.

Worse, this historically based, sword-and-sandal epic is filled with cringe-inducing, laughter-provoking moments, including more deliciously overripe performances than any single movie can possibly contain.

Or as one of its characters wisely observes, it's "an old man's rubbish."

The only reason the film doesn't completely collapse in on itself is because of the handsome production values and a cast that tries in vain to make it watchable. And it barely is — but only in that train-wreck kind of way.

The film purports to be a biography of Alexander the Great, the king from Greece (by way of Macedonia) who conquered most of Africa and Asia before he reached the age of 30.

Playing the would-be world conqueror is Colin Farrell, who doesn't even try to suppress his natural Irish accent. Actually, Stone allows most of the international cast to use their own accents — except Angelina Jolie and Val Kilmer as Alexander's parents, Olympias and King Philip of Macedonia. Kilmer seems to be going for an Irish accent, but can't quite master the nuances; Jolie is doing something that just sounds . . . well, unearthly.

The movie tries to explain how Alexander rose to power and conquered so much of Europe and Asia, and also tries examine how outside influences affected him. In addition to dealing with his squabbling parents, Alexander is torn between his love for a woman (Rosario Dawson) and his best friend (Jared Leto).

If that's not enough material, Stone also throws in a narrator in the person of Alexander's trusted adviser Ptolemy (Anthony Hopkins), whose attempts at insight are redundant and simply serve to pad out an already overlong movie.

There are some positives, including the production and costume design. And Farrell does have a commanding presence. However, too often he's trying to out-overact Jolie, whose performance here is sure to become a camp classic. She's hilariously awful, as is the horribly miscast Dawson.

"Alexander" is rated R for strong scenes of violent warfare (stabbings, impalings, animal violence and some sexual violence), graphic gore, full male and female nudity, simulated sex, and use of some mild profanities and racial epithets. Running time: 177 minutes.

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