Though it features one of the members of the current "Saturday Night Live" cast, "Corky Romano" is not one of the many horrid comedies inspired by an "SNL" sketch.

But it would be easy to assume it is. After all, this painfully unfunny comedy could conceivably have been a 10-minute concept that was stretched out to nearly 90 wince-inducing minutes.

Instead, however, it's an "original" concept that comes from Touchstone Pictures, the live-action film division of Disney, which seems to have cornered the market on insidiously bad live-action comedies rated PG or PG-13. (For bad R-rated comedies, you still have to rely on Sony Pictures and one of its smaller distribution arms.)

Someone at Touchstone apparently thought it was a good idea to give "SNL" performer Chris Kattan his own movie, even though he's only amusing in small doses — and he's not even consistent that way. When Kattan is given free rein he becomes something of an irritant, which he is here as the title character, a kind-hearted but clumsy assistant veterinarian.

Having declined to join the family "business," Corky has been disinherited by his mob-boss father (Peter Falk, slumming once again). But he's about to get a chance to win back his father's trust and affection.

It seems the FBI has uncovered evidence that could put most of the Romano crime family away. Consequently, the family needs someone to go into the FBI undercover and steal the case file. Because Corky's older brothers (Peter Berg and Chris Penn) are already suspects, there's only one person they can trust with that important assignment, namely Corky.

Under the guise of an agent, Corky infiltrates the FBI, and without arousing too much suspicion. He's torn, however, when he falls for a fellow agent (Vinessa Shaw) and discovers evidence that makes him question his mission.

If you've seen the trailers, you've seen everything that could possibly be construed as funny here. First-time director Rob Pritts has no concept of comic timing, though Kattan's constant clowning and mugging would make it hard on any filmmaker.

"Corky Romano" is rated PG-13 for violence (mostly slapstick, including gunplay and hand-to-hand combat), crude humor involving bodily functions and sexual references, occasional use of profanity, simulated drug use (cocaine, done for laughs), a scene of torture (ditto) and scattered use of ethnic slurs. Running time: 86 minutes.

---

E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com