If "Rat Race" is the best slapstick comedy Hollywood can produce, maybe it's time to retire the genre once and for all.

And no, the ads and trailers aren't misleading (for a change). This tiresome, unfunny comedy really is little more than a retread of the 1963 cult hit "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World."

And though that bloated comedy is nearly an hour longer than "Rat Race," this new film feels twice as long. And updating the concept for the 21st century evidently means throwing in as much politically incorrect and mean-spirited "humor" as possible.

If that isn't bad enough, virtually all the characters here are so reprehensible or unlikable that you probably won't want to know if their fortunes change for the better.

What story there is revolves around a contest run by eccentric Las Vegas tycoon Donald Sinclair (John Cleese, painfully unfunny in an ill-fitting wig and dentures). He'll give $2 million to the selected contestants who are first to get to Silver City, N.M.

The rules of the contest? None to speak of. So the contestants break up into teams to try and make the 700-mile trek using any means necessary.

Familial ties bind shifty Duane Cody (Seth Green) and his dim-witted accomplice/brother Blaine (Vince Vieluf), as well as Randy Pear (Jon Lovitz) and his clueless wife and kids. Vera Baker (Whoopi Goldberg) has as a teammate her long-abandoned daughter Merrill (Lanai Chapman), with whom she recently reunited.

Going it alone are disgraced NFL referee Owen Templeton (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and narcoleptic Italian tourist Mr. Pollini (Rowan Atkinson).

The only one of the bunch who seems disinterested is Chicago attorney-in-training Nick Shaffer (Breckin Meyer), but that changes when he meets a beautiful helicopter pilot (Amy Smart) who may be able to get him to Silver City in a hurry.

This probably isn't the worst idea for a movie. But it's executed badly by director Jerry Zucker, who's determined to play scenes as broadly and loudly as possible — to the point that they become shrill nonsense.

Not that the cast is any help. Most of the performances are embarrassingly bad, especially Atkinson, who appears to be parodying Roberto Benigni. (Atkinson has the most wince-inducing moment in the film.)

Gooding is also too broad — and he should now be required to give back his Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

"Rat Race" is rated PG-13 for slapstick violence, crude bodily functions and sexual references, occasional use of profanity, brief partial female nudity. Running time: 106 minutes.

---

E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com