Since the comedic standard has been lowered considerably, and given that audiences are starved for a really good comedy, you'd think that something different, like "One Night at McCool's," might stand a chance.

But that also assumes that this dark comedy — which borrows heavily from one of Akira Kurosawa's masterpieces, as well as the noir films of the '40s — could live up to the standards set by those sources, albeit in some tiny way.

Unfortunately, "McCool's" can't even do that. Instead, it's a full-on, mean-spirited bore that's neither as sexy nor as smart as it thinks it is. And at times, it's also rather violent (including an attempted rape scene that's in extremely bad taste).

But of all the cinematic sins committed by the film, perhaps the biggest is its criminal misuse of a pretty decent cast. That includes Matt Dillon, who stars as Randy, a somewhat dim-witted Missouri bartender unlucky enough to have met the gorgeous but larcenous Jewel (Liv Tyler, who appears to be aping Marilyn Monroe).

Within minutes of their first meeting, this femme fatale quickly sinks her claws into Randy, framing him for the killing of her ex (Andrew Silverstein, better known as Andrew Dice Clay) and making him her accomplice in crime.

But blinded by love (or lust, to be more accurate), he agrees to go along with her plans for "domesticity," even while Jewel has been busy ensnaring others in her web — including Randy's sleazy lawyer cousin (Paul Reiser, more irritating than usual) and the detective who's hot on their trail (John Goodman).

One thing that would have helped the film right off the bat would have been to drop the "different perspectives" plot device (shades of "Rashomon"), which isn't funny, and which will go over most moviegoers' heads.

Also, it's hard to say which is more strident here, the broad characterizations, Harald Zwart's heavy-handed direction or yet another awful Marc Shaiman score (this one reinforcing the film's "humor").

Of the cast, the only one who really seems to be having much fun is executive producer/co-star Michael Douglas, who sports an awful hairpiece and dental appliances, but whose character is underused.

"One Night at McCool's" is rated R for frequent use of strong profanity, violence (gunfire, as well as violence against women), crude sexual humor, simulated sex, gore and a brief scene depicting a sexual assault. Running time: 93 minutes.

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