Among the possible research subjects for our nation's math wizzes could be determining a particular film's entertainment value by using the length of delay of its theatrical release as a formula.

In the case of the long-shelved musical comedy-drama "Duets," the figure they would have to work with is nearly a year, and the total entertainment value they would get is very close to zero.

This vanity project (for actress Gwyneth Paltrow and her father, television and film director Bruce Paltrow) would give all vanity projects a real black eye — that is, if John Travolta's even-more-insufferable "Battlefield Earth" hadn't already beaten it to the punch.

If that's not bad enough, "Duets" also makes the mistake of having karaoke, one of the most wretched forms of leisure entertainment, at the heart of its story. Of course, the film doesn't exactly make it look appealing, so maybe that's one point in its favor.

However, that might be the only one, aside from a few ludicrously entertaining karaoke routines (performed about half the time by the actual cast members).

By the way, the "duets" of the title are not dual karaoke routines, though there are a couple of them. Instead, it refers to the fact that nearly all of the characters wind up with partners, either willingly or unwillingly.

For example, karaoke hustler Ricky Dean (musician-turned-actor Huey Lewis) suddenly finds himself thrust into the role of father — for the daughter he never knew he had, innocent Las Vegas showgirl Liv (Paltrow).

Then there's burned-out amusement-park pitchman Todd Woods (Paul Giamatti), who runs away from his problems with his new pal, ex-con Reggie Kane (Andre Braugher), who's hiding a pretty shady past.

And the new person in the life of Billy, a down-on-his-luck Cincinnati cabbie, is Suzi Loomis (Maria Bello), a West Virginia waitress making her way to Omaha, Neb., for a big karaoke contest.

Not too surprisingly, the paths of these very different characters converge in Omaha, where all of their lives will change, for better or worse. Also lacking in surprises is John Byrum's entire screenplay, save the oddly unpleasant finale and the severely clich�d dialogue.

Papa Paltrow's inept direction and slower-than-tar pacing is no help either, and his cast looks — at varying times — disgusted and about ready to burst into laughter (his helpless-to-do-anything-about-this-mess daughter notwithstanding).

What makes that surprising is the fact that these are clearly talented people. But Lewis is no actor. Nor is Speedman, for that matter. Also, it's sort of painful to see such fine character actors as Giamatti and Braugher, especially, slumming in something this awful.

"Duets" is rated R for occasional strong profanity, violence (some disturbing gunplay and a bar brawl), brief female nudity, simulated drug use (amphetamines), a brief sex scene, some crude humor and sexual references and use of racial epithets. Running time: 113 minutes.

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