Hal Needham would be so proud.

For those unfamiliar with that reference, Needham is a former stuntman turned filmmaker who hatched such loud, witless fare as the "Smokey and the Bandit" and "Cannonball Run" movies onto an unsuspecting public in the late '70s and early '80s. And although he has nothing to do with "Gone in Sixty Seconds," his presence looms large over this brain-dead thriller.

Admittedly, you don't go in to a Jerry Bruckheimer production expecting deep insights into the human condition. But even by Bruckheimer standards, the "Gone in Sixty Seconds" is shallow. It's also an insufferable bore, one that's interrupted only too briefly by car chases.

And even the chase scenes aren't done all that well, since Bruckheimer's latest directorial "find," Dominic Sena (best known for commercials and music videos, as well as the inexplicably popular cult film "Kalifornia"), cuts back and forth so often you can't really tell what's going on.

The film is actually a remake of the 1974 cult film of the same name. Nicolas Cage stars as Randall "Memphis" Raines, a retired car thief reluctantly dragged back into the "business" by family obligations.

His younger brother, Kip (Giovanni Ribisi), has messed up a huge "boost," an attempt to heist expensive cars. And now, gangster Raymond Calitri (Christopher Eccleston) is threatening to kill him unless Memphis can fill his order of 50 cars in four days.

So, in addition to Kip and his band of thieves, Memphis begins reassembling his old crew, which includes "chop-shop" owner Otto (Robert Duvall), wisecracking Donny (Chi McBride), the stony silent Sphinx (Vinnie Jones, from "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels") and Memphis' former flame, Sway (Angelina Jolie).

However, by spending so much time in car "scouting" and preparation, they've left themselves only one night to steal all the vehicles and get them to the shipping dock in time. Also, Memphis is being tracked by Roland Castlebeck, a detective (Delroy Lindo) who's been trying to nab him for years.

Director Sena's commercial work betrays him here, since the film resembles nothing so much as a two-hour automobile advertisement — albeit one with dull character interaction thrown in for a little variety.

What's worse, the story is built on the wobbly premise that audiences should be sympathizing with this band of car thieves. If that isn't bad enough, Scott Rosenberg's script is peppered with lame one-liners, crude humor and (hopefully) unintentionally racist moments.

But frankly, there's a far bigger reason than that to despise the film, which is the fact that it's such a huge waste of talent.

While the movie does act as a showcase for another irritatingly quirky Cage performance, the remaining characters might as well be cardboard cut-outs. Among those who have little or nothing to do are recent Oscar winner Jolie, who simply slinks around with her bleached blonde locks, as well as character actors Duvall, Lindo and Will Patton, who probably don't do their careers damage but don't exactly advance them, either.

"Gone in Sixty Seconds" is rated PG-13 for violence (brutal hand-to-hand combat, gunplay and mayhem), occasional strong profanity, simulated sex, vulgar humor and brief partial female nudity. Running time: 119 minutes.

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