Simply Irresistible? Hardly.

How about Simply Unwatchable?

Any film unlucky enough to bear a title that brazen may be asking for sympathy. But this extremely unfunny comedy is one of those films that's downright painful to watch.

Actually, the people to feel sorry for are the stars, including Sarah Michelle Gellar (from TV's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"). Even she seems embarrassed to even be in this picture . . . and frankly, who could blame her?

The only way this movie could coax laughs out of an audience would be to add a laugh track or to have it shipped over to those wiseguys at "Mystery Science Theater 3000."

Gellar plays Amanda Shelton, an unsuccessful restaurateur who's unlucky at cooking and at love. That's about to change, however, since she unknowingly buys a basket of magical crabs from a mysterious stranger (Christopher Durang).

First, she meets Tom Bartlett (Sean Patrick Flanery), a handsome department store manager. Then Amanda discovers that she has inherited her late mother's talent for cooking, as she creates delectable entrees and desserts that suddenly have her struggling cafe packed with customers.

What she doesn't realize is that somehow her emotions are being transferred to her cooking, and her customers are feeling the effects of her euphoria (at having met Tom).

And while Tom tries to resist Amanda's charms — especially having found out her secret — he's forced to turn to her for help when the chef quits the night before he opens his new in-store restaurant.

The predictability of what happens next is only one of the major problems with this stinker, which comes from a first-time director and a first-time screenwriter. There are several plot threads that are never explained or tied up, and some elements are so ridiculous they are exasperating (magical crabs?!).

Of course, it doesn't help that there's an awful TV sitcom-style score or that Gellar simply sleepwalks through the whole movie.

If that's not enough, she has little chemistry with Flanery, and even the talented supporting performers can't salvage things.

"Simply Irresistible" is rated PG-13 for vulgar sexual innuendos and sexually suggestive gags, profanity and violent tantrums.